Hate and Loathing in Aman'lu
by Quen Galad
Summary: "She hates you" said Deru, and she was right. She also saw that the hatred went both ways, although she wasn't sure exactly why. Why would you ask someone you loathe to accompany you? Rated T for some swearing and flirting.
1. Chapter 1

There was only a tiniest of squeaks as the door opened, but Alesha was already on her feet, sword raised. In two easy leaps she was behind the door...

"Sheesh, slow down, will ya? You might hurt someone."

Alesha lowered the weapon and looked into Deru's perpetually smiling face. "Sorry" she said. "I'm a little jumpy, what with the assassin, Valdis and everything..." She put the weapon away and took a few steps back.

"Can I come in?" Deru seemed a little distracted, like there was something on her mind. "These rooms are cold, but I don't like the... fireplaces."

Alesha nodded, and motioned her to the armchair. Deru was a dryad, and naturally cautious around naked flame. She, on the other hand, was very comfortable with elven-made fireplaces and a nice fire was going on in her room.

"Sit down and don't worry, I know how to deal with those things."

"Thanks. It's kind of chilly around here, what with half of the tavern being demolished and all" the dryad said, trying to smile, but it was hard to be flippant about your friend's hometown being hit by a flaming meteorite.

"I should have asked for a double room for you, but I didn't think you'd be so freaked out by the fireplaces" Alesha poked at the flaming logs. "I'll do it next time. Now, would you prefer to share a room with me, Sartan or Finala?"

"Uh... Tough choice, actually" laughed Deru. "Both you and Finala might just murder me in my sleep, and Sartan... there's no telling what he might do."

"Well, I can tell you what he would like to do" said Alesha, leaping on this deliciously juicy subject. She had no idea whether it was technically possible for Sartan the half-giant to have sex with Deru the dryad, but by the looks of it, Sartan was definitely willing to find out. "First, he would..."

"Hey, I still think I'd be better off with him than with either of you two" Deru interrupted. "The Aman'lu Muredrous Psychopaths' Association."

"Hm. I guess we're both quite bloodthirsty, Finala and me" Alesha smiled. "But I wouldn't murder you in such a dishonourable way. Not sure about her, though."

Deru was silent for some time, just staring at her. When she spoke at last, it was in a soft tone, very unlike her cheerful self. "Why do you hate her so?"

Alesha froze for a moment, her mouth open. Then she rallied. "Don't be ridiculous. I don't hate Finala."

"Sure you do. You loathe her, but you are always careful not to insult her, and to commend her abilities" Alesha made a move as if to protest, but Deru waved her to silence. "You keep an eye on her in battle so that she doesn't get hurt" she insisted. "You always heal her first, you even give her better gear! I would have thought you're in love with her, accept that you completely hate her guts, and it shows. Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Mind your own business, will you? Finala is a pain in the ass, but she's useful. And of course I keep an eye on her, squishy weakling that she is! The rest is my private concern."

"Aha, so there is something in it!" said Deru triumphantly. "I knew it! And, just so you'd know, I am minding my own business. If I'm to follow you into battle and help you save the world, I gotta be sure of your judgement and all. So spill."

"There's nothing wrong with my judgement" sighed Alesha, taking some food from the table in search of a distraction. "I'm not insane. I don't like Finala, but not because I hear some voice in my head telling me to strangle her. Satisfied?"

"No. You said yourself, there is some private concern here" Deru insisted. "I'm going to drag that out of you sooner or later, you know that."

Alesha grabbed a knife and cut a piece of bread, as much in an effort to escape Deru's gaze as to make a sandwich. But she knew she had no chance. Impulsive and young though the dryad was, she was, well... a dryad. They lived long, they were bound to nature on an emotional as well as physical level. They were damn living trees, for Istaura's sake. Not much chance they'd get bored and give up.

"Look, this really is private, you know?" the tried one more time. "Us redbloods have a strong sense of privacy that we're very protective of."

"Uh-huh. Sure, I'm a walking bush, what could I know about that?" there was an unusual edge to Deru's voice now.

"Look, I can see it bugs you. Don't you want to talk about it?"

Alesha gave up. She cut off a big chunk of roasted meat and stuffed it inelegantly between two lumps of bread. Then she poured a solid mug of ale and took a swig.

"All right. But I warn you, it's a long and boring sob-story. You want something?"

"Just a jug of water, thanks" Deru made herself comfortable and waited for a while, watching Alesha sit on the table and bite into the sandwich. She clearly needed some strength to carry on.

"So, you might remember how I got to Eirulan, right? I was a mercenary, one of the few Valdis didn't slaughter while he was 'paying' us. Well..."


	2. Chapter 2

Alesha was a human, and in Aman'lu that meant being a minority. The elves weren't really all that racist a bunch, although some made sure to tell her how great it was to live so long and have all those amazing talents, which she was bereft of. Not that there was anything wrong with her, no, she was all right, for a human.

But that was a, well, minor concern, and most have been friendly. Especially their closest neighbours. They had two children, a boy named Drevin, and a little girl called Drianjul. Alesha was very friendly with them, because they shared her thirst for adventure. It was Drevin's father that taught her to fight. Drevin was a strong and nimble young man, or rather elf, and his father was quite a swordsman in his day. He was giving his son lessons in melee combat, and agreed to take young Alesha under his wing as well. With practise and lessons, they became worthy fighters indeed.

They knew Finala back then - she was about the same age, and they sometimes went to explore the nearby woods together - but mostly, she spent time with just Drevin, because they were both friends and sparring partners. When Drevin reached right age, he started telling Alesha about the tel'enesse journey. It was kind of a coming-of-age ritual for the Aman'lu elves. When a youth reached a certain age, they parted on a journey to prove their worth, maturity and self-reliance, and to collect money that would enable them to stand on their feet. It was also customary for those who already had a stable relationship to part on the journey together, so that the couple tested their bond in different conditions and amassed wealth they would share. Very often a homecoming feast was, at the same time, a wedding.

So when Drevin asked her to go with him, Alesha was understandably shocked. "Are you sure about that?" she asked him, looking straight into his eyes. They had been training on a meadow by the stream. "I'm not old enough to go myself, yet." "Of course not. But you're a human, so you have to rush" Drevin said, trying to sound flippant. "Anyway, you know anyone can part earlier, if they wish. And I'd... value your company. And your sword."

Alesha tried to control the storm of emotions that raged inside her. It didn't take a clairvoyant to realise she was in love with Drevin. He was a dear friend, but also a very attractive young male, and she spent almost all her life with him. They saved each other's lives many times and could understand each other so well that sometimes words just weren't necessary.

Accept for the love part, in fact. She never dared to touch the subject, but she thought... she hoped that he felt the same. Sometimes he would look at her in a way that made her almost certain of that. But he never brought this up. Well, neither did she. Maybe he too was afraid to tarnish their life-long friendship. But if he wanted her to go on tel'enesse with him, it could mean that he wanted to... make sure about things. And on the journey, away from home, it might be easier for them to talk about their feelings.

"Drevin, I would like to go with you. But you know what will everybody think if we do this" she said, finally. Understanding is all very well, but some things have to be said. "So I'm asking you, are you quite sure about that?"

"Oh, come on! Yes, a lot of people marry when they go together, but not everybody!" he said, smiling. He took her hand. "I don't want you to feel obliged to anything, but I do want you to go with me, and of that I'm sure."

And so she agreed.

As she told Deru later - much, much later - his words could be understood either way, and she realised that even then. But she loved him and wanted to be with him, even if only for the journey. So she agreed, and, being both fighters, they chose the usual way of enlisting as mercenaries for an army recruiter. The army was being organised by a human named Valdis, who they knew not and cared not about, and the conflict appeared to be some squabble on a faraway island. So it all seemed grand.

"We fought for Valdis on the mainland" continued Alesha. "We were then transported to the Greilyn Island. Before we took off, I saw Drevin write some letters and send them home. When I asked him about them, he was elusive." She swallowed a last mouthful of ale and refilled the tankard immediately. "He was distant. Anxious. He told me repeatedly about his medallion, and how he thought it was all going to end badly. Finally, when I couldn't take his gloomy mood anymore, I decided to go for it." She took a furious bite out of the sandwich. "I told him how I felt about him. I told him everything, including my hopes for our future... together."

She breathed hard for a moment, then took the knife and stabbed it viciously into the roasted meat. "He was completely surprised. It was all shocking news to him. He saw us as friends, comrades at arms, a good team of fighters. He never even considered that I might have other feelings for him, and was 'deeply sorry' for the fact that he didn't reciprocate them."

She fell silent, her hand gripping the knife handle. Deru stood up and walked up to her. Gently, delicately, she put her arm around Alesha's shoulders and hugged her.

"He was in love with Finala" she whispered.

"Yes." Alesha raised her head and looked at the dryad, her eyes full of tears. "One of the letters he wrote was to Finala, expressing his deepest love and desire to marry her when he came back. The other was for me, sent to his sister Drianjul. But that one isn't important now. The other is."

"But how come you didn't know, when you spent so much time together?"

"A lot, yes, but not all of it. The rest, he spent with Finala. You can probably imagine how much time it took to make her warm up to him, so when we left, they were in the 'maybe' stage" Alesha ripped out a chunk of meat and bit into it angrily, as if she imagined it was the flesh of her rival. "He was hoping to win her over when we came back, but his 'bad feeling' compelled him to write her a letter, in case he didn't make it."

"And you were stuck with each other, in the middle of Valdis's troops, the unrequited love in between you" said Deru, smiling sadly. "You know, I wish I could say that at least it couldn't get worse, but I know it did."

"Yeah. It did. Drevin was good to me, but somehow, that was even worse. He cared for me enough to fret about my feelings and all, but not enough to be with me... It was horrible. In the end I just pretended to get over it, and he believed. Or pretended to believe. We got to Greilyn and stormed the Temple..."

"And he died, shielding you" Deru whispered.

"Yes. The last thing I remember before I lost consciousness is his voice, whispering 'I'm sorry'." Alesha took another swig of ale. "You know, among the worst things you can hear, the words 'I don't love you' are quite near the top."

"Yes, I can imagine" Alesha was always a no-nonsense, stalwart and strong commander. She was quite cheerful in a sarcastic way and Deru really wasn't expecting a story like that. "That explains your deal with Finala, at least. Though I'm sorry I brought this up, 'cause there's not much I can do for you."

"Hah. You ain't heard nothing yet" Alesha barked.


	3. Chapter 3

"I haven't?" Deru's green, mossy eyebrows raised slowly. "What more could there possibly be?"

"Well, you said it yourself when we first met Finala - she hates me, too. How did you know?"

"Oh, come on, it was obvious from the way she looked at you, what she said... You're not telling me you can't see that?"

"Yes, I see that" Alesha sighed. "But do you know why she hates me so much?"

"Because you signed into Valdis's army?"

"Yes. It was only after we left that his army made enemies of all the rest of the world. Including my hometown, although most people understood that we simply erred. Not her" Alesha looked at the ale bottles. They were all empty, and somehow, she wanted to get really drunk. "I'm going to order more beer, you sure you don't want anything?"

Deru smiled weakly. She was sitting again, with her hands in a pitcher of water. There was visibly less of it now. "No, thanks. I'm good. So, Finala hates you because you fought with the Morden, whom she wants to exterminate. And she's unable to put that behind. But that would mean..." her voice trailed off.

"Yes. That means she has the same feelings for Drevin, only Drevin can't do anything to redeem himself anymore" now Alesha's hands bunched into fists. "The first night we spent here, when she asked me to take her along... She started badmouthing him. I kept quiet, for a moment, but couldn't take it in the end. I confronted her about her feelings for him, and his for her. And she said..."

There was a knock at the door. A young man came in, carrying some more ale and cheese. He put it all on the table, looking at Alesha with bright-eyed hero worship. The two women thanked him and he went out.

"She said she didn't really care for him all that much. Said she went along with it, because he would make a good husband, but she wasn't all that intent on having one. If he came back with fame, glory and money, then maybe. But since we fought for the Morden... She said he was reserved and didn't show much feeling for her, so she understood he felt the same" Alesha laughed bitterly. "Hah, of course, great Finala is such a marvellous catch, guys would court her even if they didn't love her, right?"

Deru kept silent. She felt there was nothing she could say at this point.

"Well, that's what she seems to think. So it was all right! Drevin died, big deal! Shouldn't have enlisted with the Morden, but if he was stupid enough to do so, hey, I can betray him and befoul his memory!" Alesha grabbed the knife and held it so tight that her knuckles went white. She stood still for a moment, breathing heavily, then hurled it at the wall, where it stuck. "You know what she did with the letter?" she breathed, her eyes closed.

"What?"

"She burned it without opening. She didn't even read it! He knew he was going to die, and wanted to confess his feelings to the woman he loved, the woman he went on the entire bloody journey for," she slammed her fist on the table so hard that the bottles jumped, "and she burned it without reading. Because we 'sided with the Morden', and so were only worthy of great Finala's contempt."

Alesha fell silent. So did Deru. For a long while, only the cracking of wood in the fire could be heard in the room. That's enough to drive anyone insane, thought the dryad. Not only is your love rejected, not only do you watch your loved one die, but you are stuck with the very same person you were rejected in favour of. And said person has no idea how much they hurt you both. They also insist on acting like they were doing the world a favour by living. Deru would have understood perfectly if Alesha had killed her rival when she first had a chance, but no. She loved Drevin too much to hurt his beloved woman, even if she was a complete bitch. So she took care of her and watched her back, even as her own heart was screaming.

There was a clink of pottery as Deru filled a tankard with ale and took a gulp. "I think we need to get roaring drunk" she said. She poured another one for Alesha. "Here. Let's drink to Drevin, who could foresee his death, but not his future with Finala. Which would have been miserable."

"Yes... It would be" said Alesha, taking the tankard and rising it in silent salute. "At least she didn't get him" she said, trying to smile.

The two women clashed their tankards in a toast, and in the same moment, the door opened. Sartan eclipsed the light for a moment and then he came in, uninvited. He looked strange in a shirt and leather breeches, without armour.

"I heard the sounds of drinking" he boomed. "Finally! I can get you both drunk and have my way with you!" there was a crash as he put a barrel of alcohol on the floor.

"I have a better idea" laughed Alesha. "We will get you drunk and have our way with you. How about that?"

"Hey! You two redbloods behave or I'm out of here" snapped Deru, but without much conviction. She was already through her first tankard, and dryads get drunk quickly.

They sat and drank, talked and flirted, exchanged tales and boasts, fears and worries. They stayed up late into the night and the sound of their laughter would have annoyed other guests, but there weren't any. So they just had a good time, and it was really good.

Because love is bittersweet, but friendship is gravy all the way.


End file.
